July 13, 2004
BABY CHEDDAR PLEASE
1. What is your earliest memory (presumably as a baby but maybe not)? Sitting on the porch, riding a tricycle, sometimes prior to the age of four as this was the first house we lived in.
2. What scares or scared you most about having kids? Keep in mind I was PPD at the time; I would be taking a shower. I would fall in the shower. I would bash my head against something knocking myself out. I would land against the drain hole and block it. The tub would fill. I would drown. My baby would creep into the bathroom looking for me. She would peer over the tub fall in and drown. I would thus become a murderess after death.
A generalized non-psychotic fear? That I would totally mess my kids up for life.
3. How did your life change or how do you think your life will change when you have children? Recognized my own mortality and the frailty of life. Realized the sweetness of giving of love to another who couldn't yet give it back.
4. What is your favorite thing about babies? The scent of a nursing child; I use to lie with the child in my arms, my nose close to them, just so I could drink the scent in..
5. Is there anything sweeter than a sleeping baby?:-) (sigh) One more time G-d, just one more time.